Daycare Drama

Harper & Liam P.

I've had several inquiries about the daycare experience, so I decided I'd get this post up first before any of the other posts I'm procrastinating (which is a lot at this point!).  First of all, let me assure you that Harper is fine & was not injured.  I think part of our experience was the fact that I'm a parent that obsesses actually cares about what my child eats, how she sleeps, what she does (I'm not judging anyone that is a little more "hands off" than I am),  & another part is due to negligence & indifference of our daycare.  I know that having a child in daycare means letting go of some control, and while I struggle with that sometimes, I accept it.  Because I have to.  But I do not believe it should mean letting go of what you know is best for your child. 

Back in June (June 7th to be exact), Harper was moved up to the toddler room (yes, I totally agree - 9.5 months old does not a toddler make) from the infant room. Leading up to that day, I was ok with this move despite the fact that Harper was not yet crawling or feeding herself. Harper was doing really well - thriving even - in the infant room & was enjoying her "visits" to the toddler room. They went on morning buggy rides, had playroom time, & even did a few crafts.  The infant room teachers assured me Harper was ready for this move. While I could have argued otherwise, I trusted their judgement (mistake #1!) & trusted that the toddler room was ready for Harper (mistake #2!). After 4 days in the new room, Harper was barely eating & barely drinking her bottles ("well, she would hold her bottle, but was having trouble holding it up high enough since she's sitting at the table drinking it.  So she really didn't drink that bottle at all" ... "and she didn't feed herself any lunch, so she didn't eat"...WTH?! SHE'S A FRIGGIN' BABY! SHE NEEDS HELP EATING!!). And every one of those days when I went to pick her up, they had her sitting at the table with no toy or anything in front of her while they either sat on the floor while another baby crawled all over them playing with another baby or cleaned the room. You can imagine how happy I was about that. It's like they didn't want to have to deal with her, so they stuck her at the table. The picture (above right) is of her at mealtime at that table, just so you get an idea of how restricted she was.  I picked her up on day #4 & had the following conversation with one of her "teachers":

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MM: I watch the teacher from right outside the door put a resistant, protesting Harper into the table & proceed to start cleaning the room up, never making any move to hand her a toy or snack. Harper is doing that crying that I call "almost crying" which is like a whine-cry.  I wait a couple of minutes & then slip into the room to continue observing until I'm spotted.

Teacher: Oh look, Harper! There's your mommy. She just watched me put you at the table.

MM: Yes, and why is she at the table?

Teacher: I just put her there.

MM: That didn't answer my question.  Yes, I know. But why? (keep in mind that a couple of minutes went by before I went into the room)

Teacher: Oh, I was about to give her a toy.

MM: Yeah, right.  Oh, ok. (ending the conversation & I pick up Harper from the table & start to gather her things.  Once again, she bawls crying when she sees me taking her bottles out of the refrigerator.  My poor baby is STARVING!)

Teacher: Bye, Harper! (then in a very passive-aggressive, sing-songy, condescending tone - if that even makes sense) Tomorrow, you'll be on the floor when your mommy comes to get you so she'll be glad. You'll see!

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You can bet I marched my fanny right out that door & straight into the Director's office.

I can sort-of overlook the crossword puzzles & book reading (yes, the infant room teachers are guilty of this) & even the nap failures (poor girl barely sleeps a wink at daycare), but I can't overlook blatant negligence on the part of her teachers.  Every day I picked up Harper from the toddler room, she was hungry & thirsty & screamed & cried until I gave her one of her bottles that she didn't drink that day because she wasn't used to drinking sitting straight up & down.  That is not the normal behavior of my child.  My child doesn't scream & cry when she is hungry or thirsty.  She rarely screams & cries at all in fact.  I was sick to my stomach about the situation.  All week, I could barely concentrate on work because I was just so worried about her.  The toddler room teachers told me that her milk intake would drop in that room, & while I am sure that is true in the long run & when the child is actually a toddler, I do not agree that it should happen immediately & definitely not for a 9.5 month old.  According to our pediatrician (& many other sources), a 10-12 month old should get 21-29 ounces of milk a day.  I would try to explain to the teachers that she needs at least 21 ounces of milk a day & 15 of it has to happen at daycare.  Because I would express my concerns that she wasn't getting all of her bottles (or food for that matter, but I had to pick my battles at that moment), I felt like every time I opened my mouth to talk to the teachers, they would exchange glances & sort of roll their eyes (ok, so maybe the eye-rolling was my imagination, but the glance exchanging most definitely was not.  Nor was the condescending tone I often received.  And don't even get me started on the one-nap, hard-sole shoe wearing antics going on in there. For 9.5-14 month olds. Exactly.).  How is that supposed to make me feel about the care my child is getting?  I am not that mother.  I am not the crazy mother that says "follow this schedule to a T & stand on your head while doing it".  I don't talk down to them.  I go with the flow & try to adapt (as uncomfortable as it makes me), but I will not give on my child's nutrition.  Especially if it affects her personality & behavior.  She was more or less being starved each day & they weren't the least bit concerned, despite my efforts.  Harper had just gotten back on the charts for her weight & I did not want her to fall off again.  When I expressed these concerns (read: minor meltdown) to one of my favorite infant room teachers, she agreed that my concerns were valid.

So in a rather large nutshell (more like a coconut shell), the toddler room wasn't ready for Harper nor was Harper really ready for it either.  Luckily, it only took about 5 minutes to convince the Director that Harper needed to stay in the infant room. She assured us we could stay as long as we wanted in the infant room until August 30th.  That is one of the reasons I am quitting my job earlier than we originally anticipated.       

I recently learned that our daycare is moving alot of kids up on August 30th.  That includes several of the babies from the infant room.  Some of those babies are the same age Harper was when she was first moved up & some are a little younger & some a little older.  One of the mothers whose 9 month old is moving up was telling me she was worried about it because her daughter isn't crawling or anything yet.  I told her I had worried about the same thing when Harper first moved.  But I didn't say anything else.  I bit my tongue.  Then when I dropped Harper off this morning, I saw that her daughter is still eating pureed foods (which there is nothing at all wrong with that, especially when your child is a 9 month old BABY!), as Harper had been at the time of her move.  I'm trying to decide if I should reach out to this mom - who I always talk to when we cross paths up there, but then I don't know what I would tell her exactly.  I know she is probably wondering what on earth happened with us (the infant room teachers have made comments that people are "trying to get up in my business") & why we moved back down to the infant room (I know I would be wondering if the situation were reversed, but I'm nosy like that).  For now, I've drafted a couple of emails to her, but haven't sent anything.  I teeter back & forth between don't-create-drama & help-out-a-fellow-mom.  What would you do?